The Guest List
Because you are working within a timeline, and you have a plan, ask for guest lists (name/address) early. You may have to ask often. More often than you'd guess, actually. Ask parents from both sides. Set clear boundaries early. If you are planning a huge wedding, you may not care who attends. However, if you are working within a budget, venue size, catering parameters or other restrictions, use those boundaries to communicate who you would like to be included on the guest list.
It is ok to say, "The venue seats 200, so please limit your list to (this many)". Or, "Catering is $XX a plate, so we're limiting our list to 100. Please send me (this many) names/addresses so I can send invitations by (this) date."
Those are boundaries that no one can argue with. Communicating boundaries like the examples above gives a reason behind the decision and makes for fewer hurt feelings.
This is the one pain point that I see over and over again. Gathering addresses from those closest to you who WANT people to attend is like you’ve asked to perform a root canal on themselves. I see this all of the time. Mom wants you to invite the entire phone book, but doesn’t have time to gather the information for you. Meanwhile, you’re stressed out about everything else plus this! Check out the blog post entitled, “Addressing the Addresses” for more helpful tips.
This is about tactfully limiting your guest list to those who you want to attend. Yes, your mothers Yoga instructor is an important person….in her life. Unless her Yoga instructor is your favorite Aunt Marge, then you may have to set a boundary, and that’s OK. Venue size and budget are two really firm boundaries, so you can ask if the Yoga instructor will be taking the place of someone you love. She can share pictures later.
So, you as a couple make your list first. Who is very important to you and who do you want to share your special day with? Those people go onto your list. Chances are very good that both sides of parents have some common choices, so by doing this, you can easily say, “yes” to them. See how this works? Aunt Marge makes your list, and is also on Moms list, so it’s a win for you! Plus, you have room for one more because Aunt Marge made it onto two lists.
Something very important to remember: Your fiancé is also getting married, and his family would like representation as well. Give them an equal share of the guest list space. This is usually the Mother of the Bride issue. I’ve seen it over and over, so this is one of my “hot topic” conversations. If you have one or more Mothers of the Bride, send them to my blog so they understand that though they may be footing the bill, a lop-sided venue is heartbreaking.
The reminder:
YOUR list is first (You and your partner, to be clear)
Remember Plus ONE’s in your headcount. Always include your Attendants significant other and family.
THEN the family (Parents lists)
Also included: Vendors (Photographer/Videographer, DJ, Caterers)
Ask your Venue what the limitations are for head count, then ask if they count vendors too. It's likely that they do-for fire safety codes. It is important to not go over that number, which is a tricky balance because depending on when your wedding is, how close your friends and family are and other variables, you should invitee 10-25% more guests to your wedding than you expect to attend. Now, that is a stressful calculation and is one that you will get close, but not exact. It's okay to not get this number exact. Close is good enough.
